Episode 7: Finding Yourself Was Never the Point, Remembering Is

(on the quiet work of becoming who you’ve always been)

“Finding yourself was never the point, remembering is, because who you are has always been with you.” - Tarh

Growing up with the internet as a teenage was both terrifying and exhausting, I was made to believe that “finding yourself” was a journey I had to take, like climbing a mountain or chasing something that had gone missing.

Everyone said it as if the self was a treasure buried far away in some distant valley, a treasure waiting to be discovered after years of struggle—but, the older I get, the more I realize, you were never missing, the real you has always been here.

Yes, the real you. Maybe, buried under the constant pressure to always “be someone.” Maybe, buried under the noise of today’s world, under the weight of everyone else’s expectations, under the hurt that once made you turn away from yourself. Buried, yes—but certainly not out of reach.

We are not humans searching for a soulful experience, we are souls right now living through a short human experience, (Quran 2:156). And when you catch glimpses of (i+), yourself…in the way you laugh with people who feel like home, in the way your heart softens in prayer, in the way love makes you more patient, more alive, that’s not you finding yourself. That’s actually you remembering.

It is less like discovering something new, and more like coming back to yourself. Like meeting someone you’ve known your whole life but haven’t seen in a while for example—you don’t need to ‘go find yourself’ when you meet him or her, you just need to uncover, to return, because who you are, has always been with you.

How do you remember? You begin by knowing who God is, because when you know Him, you begin to know yourself. This is love. Love becomes the strongest tool for remembrance, because love softens, love unveils.

When you learn His names, you notice which ones your heart has always leaned toward. Maybe it was Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate) because you have always needed mercy. Maybe it was Al-Wadud (The Most Loving) because you never stopped longing for love. Maybe it was As-Sabur (The Timeless) because patience showed you what it means to be human.

All of His names are beautiful, and in each one is a mirror. When you see yourself reflected in them, you remember who you are.